


The B-List Avenger

by emilyevanston



Category: Hawkeye (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Deaf Clint Barton, Developing Relationship, F/M, Single Parents, Smut, Step-parents, Unplanned Pregnancy, clint you dummy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-28
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-25 08:26:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13830306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilyevanston/pseuds/emilyevanston
Summary: After an explosion in your building it’s up to Hawkeye to get you to safety.





	1. The B-List Avenger

There was an explosion first.  The force of it blows out your wall and sends you flying across the room.  You land with a thud, hitting the wall first and then collapsing on the ground.

Then next thing is a searing pain.  It shoots up your spine.  Burns through your left thigh.  It makes your ears ring and a feeling behind your eye like you’ve just been stabbed directly in the frontal lobe.

Finally, there’s blind panic.  Your daughter has been sleeping in her crib.  There is now so much noise you can’t make out if she is crying or not.  

You try to stand but the pain in your back and leg is so bad you can’t seem to manage it.  So you crawl, dragging yourself to her room.  As you get closer you can hear her wailing.  It’s a deep guttural scream out of fear and you’ve never been more happy to hear it.

You make it through the door and see her.  The damage in her bedroom isn’t so bad.  The bookshelf has fallen over and the crib isn’t flush against the wall but besides a huge crack in the wall closest to the blast, there was no other structural damage in her room.

Alexis is standing, her face scrunched and turning red.  “Mama!”  She screams, her voice cracking with the strain.

You speed up, moving to her as quickly as you can force your broken body.  When you reach the crib you drag yourself to your feet and picked her up.  At a year old she is already getting to that heavy, unable to carry her for too long without putting a strain on your back.  Picking her up now feels like white-hot flames burn through your spinal column from the inside out.  “Shh, Lexi.”  You sooth. “Everything’s fine.   We’re going to be okay.”

You collapse back on the ground, Lexi cradled in your arms.  She’s still screaming.  So upset that the tears can’t even quite break from her eyes.  Her tiny hands grip at your shirt, opening, and closing.

Slowly she starts to calm, despite the fact that outside the building the world seems to be falling apart.  There are more explosions.  The sounds of screams and yelling.  Constant gunfire.  Along with the pain in your back and leg, a new pain in your chest creeps in.  It grips onto your heart and squeezes it.  You don’t know if you should try to leave and risk being out in the open when you can barely walk.  Or stay put in a building that could collapse down around your ears at any moment.

There doesn’t seem to be a good answer.  The pain in your chest tightens and you feel your own tears threaten as you resign yourself to the fact that this is it, you’re going to die with your daughter screaming in your arms.

“Hello?  Is there someone in here?”

The voice comes from the living room.  It’s a man you don’t recognize yet at the same time has the very hint of familiarity to you.  Your first instinct isn’t to call out for help, it’s to make yourself smaller.  You pull Alexis closer to your body.  “Shh.  Time to be quiet, baby girl.”

“I’ll rephrase that. I actually know there is someone here.  I’m here to get you out.  I just don’t know where you are.”  The man calls again.

You still remain silent.  The fear response has just become too strong.  You’re frozen.  Sure this is it. This is the moment that you die.

He steps through the door.  Tall and lean.  Wearing a purple vest over black pants.  A longbow and quiver strapped to his back.  His hair is spiked up and he has a smile on his face.  Even with all this chaos and destruction, he’s smiling.

“There you are.”  He says.  “I’m here to get your out.  It’s okay.  I’m an Avenger.”

He approaches you slowly, trying to be non-threatening.

As soon as he says Avenger you realize that you do recognize him.  He’s not one of the main ones like Iron Man or Captain America.  Nor is he particularly recognizable, like the Winter Solider or Thor.  But you do recognize him.  “Hawk guy?”  You say, your voice trembling.

“What?  No.  Eye.  It’s Hawkeye.”  He says sounding frustrated.  He crouches down in front of you. “You know what?  Just call me Clint.  Can you walk?”

Alexis starts wriggling in your arms as Clint speaks to you and she reaches out to him.  Something you’d never seen her do with a stranger.  “Maybe?  Not with her.  My back.”  you answer, so close to tears now that your vision has started to swim.

“Hey, kid,”  Clint says, taking her from you.  She wraps her chubby arms around his neck and buries her face into his neck.  “This is new.  Normally kids hate me.”  He adds, helping you to your feet.

You wince, leaning on him with all your weight, trying not to have the extent of how much pain you’re in readable on your face.  “She normally hates people too.”

“Alright, let’s get you two out of here,”  Clint says.

The three of you start moving, but it’s clear after less than a half dozen steps you’re not going to be able to do this.   Clint looks at you.  “You mind if I carry you too?”

“No.  You can.”  You whisper.  You take Alexis back from him.  She very reluctantly lets go of his neck.  Clint scoops you up and moves, running to the front door of your apartment and opening the door into the hall.

The entire hall is burning.  The door to the stairwell is completely blocked.  The heat is unbearable.  “Aww… fire.”  Clint whines and turns back into the apartment.  “Plan B.”  He rushes back inside, kicking the door closed behind him.

He moves to the edge of the building where the wall has been blown out.  “Okay, I just need to put you down for one sec.”  He says, carefully lowering you to your feet.

He pulls the bow from his back and an arrow and aims at the building opposite.  He lets loose and the arrow flies out, a cord trailing behind it.  The end opens up into a grappling hook and it attaches to the building opposite it.  He lifts you again, tugs on the cord and then jumps.

You close your eyes as you suddenly find yourself flying through the air.  Alexis squeals with delight as the wind blows past your ears.  There’s a sudden jarring as you hit the ground and you open your eyes.

“Not ideal, but we make do,”  Clint says.  “We got the last one.  Bringing her to the evacuation point.”  He adds.  You assume into some kind of communication device that you can’t see.  He starts to move, staying closer to the buildings and ducking behind cars from time to time.  The sound of shouting and gunshots gets louder and Alexis starts crying again.

“Hey, kid.  It’s okay.  You got an Avenger with you.”  Clint says.  “B-list Avenger, but an Avenger nonetheless.”

You actually manage a laugh at that.  It’s weak but it’s there.  Clint smiles at you.  You come around the corner and he suddenly drops to his knee.  “Aww… HYDRA.”  He complains.

There is absolute chaos.  Captain America and Thor are fighting back to back in the middle of a huge group of people dressed in black.  The people in black are attacking the two Avengers in the middle.  Some engaging them hand to hand or with melee weapons while others fire on them with weapons that emit blasts of blue light.

Clint puts you on the ground behind a car.  “Just stay here okay?  Don’t move.”

You grab his shirt and shake your head.  “Don’t leave us!”  You whisper.

He smiles at you.  “Don’t worry.  You haven’t got rid of me yet.  Just gotta help out my friends.”

You let him go and he runs, crouching behind a black sedan.  He takes out his bow again and stands.  He doesn’t even seem to aim.  He just lets arrows loose on the people in black.  Each arrow hits its target but Clint’s actions draw the attention of several of the people.  They turn on him and start firing.  Clint ducks but not before getting hit in the side by one of the blasters.

“Clint!”  You scream.  You gather up Alexis whose voice has started sounding raw and you move.  You’re not sure what does it, the adrenaline or maybe there just isn’t as much pain now but you make it to him just as Iron Man flies in overhead and starts firing into the group.

“Are you okay?”  You ask, trying to look at his wound.

He won’t take his hand from it but he forces himself to smile.  “It’s fine.  Just need to get to the evacuation point.”

You see Iron Man and Thor fly off and Captain America appears around the side of the car.  “You’ve been hit?”  He says.

“It’s just a scratch,”  Clint replies, waving him off and dragging himself to his feet.  He takes Alexis from you and helps you to your feet.

“You need help?”  Cap asks.

Clint looks at you.  “Think you can walk?  It’s not far.”

You nod and Clint puts his arm around your waist.  You wrap one around his shoulders and lean on him just a little.

“We’ll be fine,”  Clint says.

Cap nods and runs off in the direction you just came.

“Okay.  Let’s go.”  Clint says.

The two of you shuffle run along, supporting each other.  Alexis holds onto Clint, finally getting to the point where she was making that shuddery can’t quite catch her breath sound.  “Hey, you’re alright kid. You’re safe.”  He says.  She sniffs and pats his cheek.

“How did you know we were there?”  You ask.

“Oh, Vision scanned.  You know the purple guy?”  He answers.

You look up at him.  “Thank you for getting us out.”

“No need for that.  It’s my job.”  Clint says.  “If you need to call your husband you can do that at evac.  I’m sure you’re worried.”

You shake your head.  “Not married.”

Clint looks at you.  “Oh really?”  His says, his voice tinged with something.  Hope?  Excitement?  “What about her dad?   He must be worried.”

You look away from him feeling slightly embarrassed.  “Yeah, I don’t really know who he is.”

“Oh really?”  The tone is different now.  More curious this time.  He looks from you to Alexis and back to you.

“Yeah… I was kinda… promiscuous … You know?”  You say.

Clint quirks his eyebrow at you.  “Oh really?”  He says.  This time the tone is slightly playful.

“Was.”   You say, with a laugh.  “Toned down for obvious reasons.”

“Aww… damn.  Guess I’ll have to buy you dinner then.”  He says.

You look up at him trying to tell if that was a joke or not.  His blue eyes give away nothing.  “Yeah, dinner’s a start.”  You agree.

You turn around a corner and at the end is a long wide plane.  The back is open and inside there are people sitting on chairs or lying on stretchers.  Paramedics moving between them.  “There’s our ride,”  Clint says pointing it out.

You pick up your pace a little and are met by a few medics who separate you and start treating you for your wounds.  You keep your eyes on Clint and finally see the wound on his side as they cut open his shirt.  It’s charred around the sides and oozing.  The smile on his face finally cracks as they begin treating it.

They treat your leg and have you lie down flat so your back isn’t under any more pressure.  Meanwhile, Alexis is checked over and given a lollipop and a toy to play with.

The drugs they give you start to kick in as Clint walks over and sits on a chair next to you.  “How’re you doing?”  He asks.  

“Gonna fall asleep, but I’m worried about Lexi.”  You say.

Alexis waddles over to him and climbs into his lap.  “Don’t worry.  I’ll keep an eye on her.”

You nod sleepily.  “Thank you, Clint.”  You say, and give yourself up to sleep.

You wake a little later when the plane is in the air.  You open your eyes and look over to where Clint is.  He’s asleep with Alexis sleeping on her stomach, draped over his chest.  It’s one of those ovary smashing scenes.  They both look so happy and peaceful.  It’s then you realize, you might just have the ever so slight, tiny, massive crush on Clint Barton.


	2. Upstate New York

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You move in with your mom during your recovery. Turns out she lives not too far from your favorite archer.

You were in the hospital for two weeks.  In that time your mother flew in from out of town to take care of Alexis.  You had received significant bruising on your spine that was exacerbated by the amount of time it took you to run to the evac point.  The leg injury had required sixteen stitches.

Most of your friends had been affected by the sudden attack by HYDRA too so apart from when your mother brought Alexis around to see you, you didn’t have any visitors.  That is, except for Clint Barton.

Clint had come in a day after you were admitted looking like he hadn’t been shot at all.  You knew for a fact that he had.  You’d seen wound with your own two eyes.

“Avenger’s get the good insurance.”  He’d said when you’d asked about it.

Every day for two weeks he came in to see how you were doing.  Sometimes he was there when your mother was visiting with Alexis.  When that happened Alexis was just obsessed with him.  He took it with good humor.  Letting her climb in his lap and held conversations with her like she was a full grown adult and not a one year old.

Your mom was developing quite the crush.  If Clint was there when she was, she always spoke animatedly with him and praised him for how good he was with Alexis.  Or for saving your life.  Or for just general Avengers things.  If he wasn’t she took to speaking about him to you.  How cute he was.  How great it was that he kept stopping by.  How he looked like he’d be such a good father.

It would be annoying, and you tried very hard to pretend it was, except that you thought the same thing.  He was cute.  And hilarious.  And he was really amazing with Alexis.  Not to mention his arms were amazing.  You really, really wanted this to not just be him taking pity on you.

Only the signals were as mixed as if they’d been put through a blender.  When it was just the two of you he’d respond to flirting like it was a second language that he spoke fluently.  Always knowing just the thing to say that would make your mouth dry and other parts of you much moister.  If Alexis was around though he flicked between being potential future husband candidate of the year, laughing at your mother’s jokes, being affectionate and caring to your daughter and smiling and joking with you.  Or her was all business like he’d stopped by out of some moral obligation and had no desire to even make friends with you.

On the day before you were due to be released, he came to see you while you were alone.

“Checking out tomorrow?”  He asks, leaning in the doorway of your room.

“Yeah.  The doctors said I still need to take it easy.  I’m not allowed to pick Lexi up for another month.”  You explain.  “Also, I don’t actually have a home anymore.  Or a job.  So that’s gonna be fun.”

Clint grimaces and walks over, sitting on the end of your bed.  “What are you gonna do?”

“I’m gonna go back home and live with mom until I get back on my feet.  It’s pretty shit.  But there’s not much I can do about it.”  You answer.

Clint looks crestfallen.  His shoulders slump and he looks down at his hands.  “Where does your mom live?”

“Upstate New York.”  You answer, poking him with your foot.

He looks up at you with a smile on his face.  “That’s where I live.”

“I know it is.  It’s a little hard to miss.”  You say.

“How far away?”  He asks.  

You chew your lip and look at him.  “Like two towns over.  Maybe half an hour or so?  Forty-five minutes tops.”

He scoots a little closer to you.  “So you think we could hang out sometime?”

“I’d really like that.”  You agree.

It’s another couple of weeks before you see him again.  You were busy having to talk with insurance people, buying clothes and settle down into a new routine.  Alexis was pretty thrilled to be spending so much time with Grandma.  She’s even more thrilled when Clint shows up to pick you up for your first date.

“Cwint.  Cwint.  Come.”  She squeals as she stands at the end of the hall bouncing up and down on her chubby little legs.

“Hey, kiddo.  Just give me a minute to say hi to your mom.”  He says, kissing your cheek.  “You look beautiful.”

“Looking pretty good yourself, Barton.”  You say.  Which is not a lie.  He’s wearing a suit that’s color isn’t quite gray and it isn’t quite blue.  It doesn’t quite fit him right, but just something about him in it makes you want to get him out of it.

He follows Alexis to her bedroom where she shows him all the new toys that have been bought for her since the move.  He lets her show him everything before ruffling her hair and telling her he is taking you out.  She doesn’t take it well.  Almost immediately breaking down into tears and throwing herself on the ground.

“Aww… kid.  You’re killing me.”  Clint says, crouching down beside her and patting her back.  “Tell you what, next time we can all go out.”

That doesn’t help.  At all.  She just becomes more hysterical.  Thankfully your mom comes and saves the day.  Taking her into the living room to watch TV while you escape with Clint.

“I’m so sorry.  I think after the incident, she’s gotten really attached to you.”  You say as you follow him out to the car.  It’s a lavender Volkswagen Beetle. You try not to look as surprised as you feel about him driving it.

“That’s what we’re calling it?  The incident?” Clint asks as he opens the door for you.

“I don’t really know what else to call it.”  You say when he climbs into the driver’s side.

“The incident is fine,”  Clint says.   “And don’t worry about Lexi.  I always say that I hate kids.  But I think actually …”  He trails off and groans.

You turn to look at him as he drives.  “What’s wrong?”  You ask.

He whines.  “Can’t talk about deep stuff.”

“Does dating someone with a kid scare you?”  You ask.

“Yes.”  He whines.  “But only marginally more than getting serious with anyone.  I’m not good at it.”

You start to nervously strum your fingers on your leg.  “Clint.  I’m not trying to push you into anything that you’re not ready for…”

He grabs your hand and holds it still.  “You don’t have to say it.  I’ve told myself it a million times now.  You can’t lead this chick on.  She has a kid and you and your fuckin’ problems with … whatever … will hurt them both.  I like you though.  A lot.  I get it if I’m too high risk, but if you could give me a chance.”

“Is the ‘whatever’ intimacy issues?”  You ask, linking your fingers with his.

He nods his head.

“If you do this and they get the better of you, you’ll break both our hearts you know?”

He nods again.  “I know.  I can’t promise it won’t.  I can’t even promise we won’t break up for other reasons.  I just feel like maybe I can do it with you.  In a way, I haven’t with anyone else.”  He lets go of your hand and runs it through his hair.  “Normally when I think about someone I … like or whatever…”  He shakes his head.  “Even if it’s just for a one-time thing.  I have an expiry date in my head.  One night.  Two weeks three days.  Six months and she cuts up most of my clothes.  With you, I don’t see a time.”

You sigh and turn and bite his shoulder.  “How serious are you about trying?”  You ask.

“Pretty serious.”  He says.  “Maybe I should grow up a little.”

“Just a little though.”  You tease.  “Would you consider going to therapy?”

“Aww… therapy?”  He whines.  He pulls the car into the parking lot of a steakhouse and looks at you.  His blue eyes doing that sad puppy thing.  “Yeah.  I guess I could probably use it, given I don’t sleep.”

“Alright.  If you’re willing to do that I’m willing to try.  I do have one more question though.”  You say.

“Yeah?”  He says sounding nervous.

“How do you feel about putting out on the first date?”  You ask.

He smirks and squeezes your leg.  “I am in favor of it.”

“That’s good because I am dying to get laid.”  You joke.

Dinner goes fine.  He really does have a way of putting you at ease even when he’s slightly panicked and over thinking everything.  After dinner, he takes you up to a lookout that looks over the town and takes in some forest and the Avengers compound in the distance.

You sit side by side holding hands, your head resting on his shoulder and his cheek on your head.  “It’s really beautiful up here.”  You sigh.

“Yeah.”  Clint agrees.  “I always see things best from high up.”

“I think they call that being far-sighted.”  You tease.  “You can get glasses to correct it.”

Clint digs his fingers in your sides.  “You think you’re so funny.”  He snarks, as you squirm away from him.  

At some point his hands move from your side to your back, pulling you tightly against him.  You wrap your arms around his neck and you’re kissing before you even know what’s happening.  It’s hungry and desperate.  You claw at each, bite at each other’s lips.  Your tongues swirl together and explore each other’s mouths.

His hands move down to your hips, dragging you closer and then up under your skirt.  You break the kiss panting.  “We should - we should go somewhere - less public.” You pant.

Clint teases along the line of your panties.  “You sure about that?”

You whine a little and nod.  “Pretty sure.”

“Your place or mine.”  He asks, helping you to your feet.

“We gonna have a sleepover?”  You ask as you head to the car.

He falters for a moment and you watch as the gears turn behind his eyes.  “Yeah.  Yep.  Sleepover.  That’s what couples do.”

You pause at the door and look at him.  “Clint?”

“No.  It’s good.  I want this.”  He says with a smile.  

You laugh and shake your head before getting in the car.  “My place then.”

As soon as you’re back at your mom’s house you’re all over each other.  He’s kisses at your throat and tugs up your skirt.  You somehow manage to get through the door and he pushes you through it and up against the wall.  Your hip bangs the side table by the door and the vase sitting on it tips over with a clatter.

“Shh… Clint.”  You whisper.  “You need to be quiet.”

“That’s going to be a problem for you.  You’re not going to be able to stay quiet.”  He whispers back.

You drag him into your room.  “Because I’ll be laughing so hard?”  You tease.

He pushes the door closed and pulls his shirt off before wrapping you in his arms.  “Such a smart ass.”  He smirks, unzipping your dress.  He pushes it down off your arms and you start to kiss again.  Moving slowly towards the bed, shedding each piece of clothing one by one.  He picks you up just before you reach the bed and tosses you on it.

You move back and he stalks up after you placing slow deep kisses up the insides of your legs.  When he reaches your inner thigh he’s pulling your soft flesh into his mouth and sucking on it hard enough to leave small bruises.  His nuzzles at your pussy and you spread wider for him.  He flattens his tongue and swipes it up your folds before placing a large open mouth kiss over them.  His tongue swirls around, tasting everything it can reach and his pulls back sucking your clit into his mouth.

Your hips buck up.  “Holy shit.”  You hiss.  He smiles up at you and rolls his tongue over your clit.

You arch back tilting your hips up to his face.  His fingers tease at your entrance before he thrusts them into you.  You gasp clenching around his digits.  He finds your g-spot almost instantly like he’s targeted onto it and when his fingers push against it he curls them like he’s beckoning someone to him.

He fucks you with his fingers as his tongue continues to work your clit.  It isn’t long before you’re a whimpering mess under him.  Trying to keep quiet as your legs shake and your core muscles clench.  You pull his hair and clutch at the sheets as you completely come undone.  Your orgasm hits you hard.  You twist under him, trying to escape it as it surges through you and you drag your pillow down to your face crying out into it.  

He strokes you through it and then reaches for his pants, pulling his wallet free.  You take the pillow off your face and watch as he pulls a condom out of it.

“You think you were getting lucky tonight?”  You ask sitting up and taking it from him.

“If the boy scouts taught me anything it was always come prepared.”  He says smirking.

“Nice pun,”  you say, tearing the packet open.  “But it’s ‘ _be_ prepared’.”  He starts laughing and you put the condom between your lips and crouch down placing the condom over the head of his cock and using your mouth to roll it in place.  He lets out a strangled moan and his hands bunch in your hair.  You bob your head a few times, loving the sound of his soft moans, but he takes your jaw in his hand and guides you up to him.  Kissing you hard and pushing you back into the mattress.

You feel his cock press on your entrance as he lines himself up with you and with a roll of his hips, he sinks into your cunt.  You both groan as he fills you and you adjust to him.  He starts to thrust.  You wrap your legs around him, linking your ankles at the small of his back.

He kisses down your throat to your breast sucking your nipple into your mouth.  Your hands roam his skin, running your fingertips up his back at a feather touch before digging them into his firm biceps.

Your skin prickles and flushes with heat.  “Oh fuck, Clint.”  You groan as you feel the pressure of your orgasm weighs you down.

“Me too.”  He groans.

His fingers dig into you, he picks up his pace and you come.  You arch up and just as you let out a cry his mouth is on yours smothering it.  You each moan into the kiss as you find your release.

He comes inside of you, you close your eyes and focus on the pulse of his cock as he empties.  For a moment you just stay like that kissing, as the last of your orgasms shudder through you.

“Fuck.”  You sigh as he slips from inside of you and rolls off.  “I needed that so badly.”

Clint salutes you.  “Happy to be of service, ma’am.”

You go clean up together and dress, you in flannel pajamas with dogs on them, him in his boxers, before climbing into bed.  You rest your head on his shoulder and he wraps both arms around you.  “Just a little warning.  I sleep like shit.”  He says, pressing his lips to your forehead.

“That’s okay.  I’ll sleep through the TV if you turn it on.  Just keep it down for my mom.”  You say, closing your eyes.

You fall asleep quickly, cuddled up to him.  In the morning you wake as the sun comes through the curtains.  Clint is deep asleep on his side facing you and sprawled out on her back between you is Alexis.

“I’m doomed.”  You sigh, pressing a kiss to your daughter’s forehead and closing your eyes again.


	3. Positive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A positive pregnancy test threatens everything you’ve built with Clint.

Clint Barton isn’t perfect.  Pretty far from it actually.  He stays out late only crawling into bed in the early morning where he’ll end up sleeping until the afternoon when it’s at its worst.  He drinks coffee like there is no other liquid on the face of the planet.  He tries to pretend he was anti-social.  He’s occasionally grumpy.  He had real issues with commitment.  Every now and again intimacy too.  His job was downright dangerous and means he could just disappear for weeks at a time with no contact at all.  He eats like shit and sometimes he just turns his hearing aids off so he didn’t have to talk to people.

He is all these things and he is good.  Clint Barton is one of the best really.  Selfless and kind.  Everyone is more important than him in his own mind.  On the important things, you could count on him.  He is talented.  So talented that he’s the only one of the Avengers that was just a person.  Tony, Rhodey, and Sam have the suits and Nat has received a shitty version of the Super Serum that enhanced her strength and reflexes.  Clint is just a guy who’s learned how to shoot a bow and arrow in the circus.

Most importantly he’s really trying.  Yes, he had past relationships end because he bailed as soon as things got hard.  Yes, he’d even had relationships end because he cheated on them.  Those things were inexcusable, but he was trying.  He owned up to his mistakes.  He was trying to correct them, and when you spoke to his exes they still liked him despite that.  Because you didn’t have to go deep to see he was good, and the good went right down deep to his core.

So despite the warnings from others, you gave him a shot.  It sometimes meant things went two steps forward one step back.  But you were patient and he was trying.  He stayed honest and open.  He didn’t run from his feelings.  The relationship had started in the hard spot and as you became more settled and comfortable with each it seemed to just get easier.

The thing that really sold you on him though, was how he was with Alexis.  He got that you were a package deal.  He knew how hard she’d take it if he did something stupid.  That breaking a child’s heart was something entirely different to breaking an adult’s.  He didn’t overstep lines with her either.  You were her mom, and he was your boyfriend, not her dad.  He listened to her when she had things to tell him and spoke to her without talking down.  When he had a backward step he made sure you both knew he wasn’t running.  It was kind of amazing really.  You’d never met a man that had been so adult about the fact you had a child.  Sometimes you would look at them and see this future where she did call him dad and not Cwint.  Where there were no more back steps.  You were a family and really happy.  A year into the relationship and while you aren’t rushing anything, you feel like that is closer to reality than not.

So why do the two red lines on the pregnancy test you hold fill you with such dread?

You still don’t know what happened.  You are so cautious.  You’re on the pill.  You have an alarm set on your phone so you never miss it.  When the first symptoms showed up you even double checked to make sure you weren’t going crazy.  You definitely didn’t miss it.  Besides, you always used condoms.  After Alexis, you wanted to make sure any future pregnancies you had were intentional.  This shouldn’t have happened.  How on earth are you the most fertile person on the planet?

You throw the test in the trash, burying it down deep so no one found it by accident.  There is nothing for it.  You are going to have to tell Clint.  The sooner the better, before all your options are taken away from you.

You wash your hands and splash water on your face before heading out into the living room.  Alexis is sitting on the floor watching cartoons.  “Hey, Lexi.  You ready for playgroup?”

Alexis gets up and toddles over to you.  “Ready, mama.”  She says holding her arms out to you.  You pick her up and gather up her things and head out to the car.  On the drive to her child care center, you call work and tell them you aren’t coming in today.  After you drop her off you call Clint.

“Hey, babe.”  He says in greeting.  “Everything okay?”  His voice sounds cheery but forced.  You’re calling when you’re normally busy.  In the world he lives in, that means something bad has happened.  He’s just trying not to give into that fear.

“Fine.  Skipping work, you okay with a visitor?”  You ask.

“You’re sure that nothing’s happened?”  He asks, sounding somewhere between suspicious and panicked.

“I’m fine, Lexi is fine.  You wanna see for yourself, I’ll be there in about half an hour.”  You assure him.

“Yeah, okay.  Just got in from training, I had nothing else particularly going on today.”  He answers.

“Cool, cool.  I’ll be there soon.”  You say.  “Love you.”

“Love you too.”  He says and disconnects the phone.  It took a while to get to the ‘I love you, phase.’   All the people who he was closest with assured me that that was normal.  When he started saying it though, he never stopped.  Like it was a relief that someone didn’t reject it.

You drove down the long drive into the Avenger’s compound and pulled into the guest car park.  Clint was striding out the front to see you.  You got out of your car and approached him shaking your head.  “I’m fine.”  You say, wrapping your arms around his waist.

“Sorry.  Just… you never just skip work.  It’s weird.”  He says as his arms close around you.  He nuzzles into your neck and breathes you in for a moment.

You stroke your hands down his back and sigh.  “Okay, don’t freak out, but there is something.  We need to talk.”

He lets you go suddenly like you just burned him. “Aww, no… you can’t just drop a don’t freak out and expect me to not freak out.  I’m freaking out.”

“Clint, stop.  Come on.  Let’s go inside.  Somewhere private.”  You say

His shoulders slump, and he turns and starts making his way back into the compound.  “Aww… you’re breaking up with me.  I’m going too slow again.  I know I’m dragging my heels but I just…”  He turns to you suddenly.  “Please don’t break up with me.”

You put your arm around his waist and move him along again.  “It won’t be me breaking up with you, Clint.”

“What?  What does that mean?  What did you do?  Oh god.”  He babbles.

You decide it’s best to just get him to his apartment.  When you get inside you sit and Clint just paces.  “Did you cheat on me?  Is that it?  Who was it?  Was it someone I know?  Was it Tony?   Aww man, it was Tony wasn’t it?”

You groan and rub your hair and groan.  “I didn’t cheat on you.”

He turns and looks down at you.  “Then what is it?”  He pleads getting down on his knees in front of you and putting his head in your lap.

You run your fingers back and forth through his hair and take a deep breath.  “I need you to try and stay rational.”

“I can’t promise that at all.”  Clint mumbles into your lap.

You continue to stroke his hair.  “I guess… You see… Ugh, why is this so hard?”  You take another breath and lean down resting your head on his.  “I’m pregnant.”

He scuttles back from you like you just threatened to break his neck.  “What?  You’re what?”

You had expected this.  This is Clint.  He doesn’t do change.  He doesn’t do commitment.  Still, it hurts.  It hurts that the first man you’ve allowed yourself to love, who is so good with your daughter’s first reaction is to run.  “Clint.  Please.”  You say, trying not to express how hurt you feel.

“But… but… we use protection.”  He says looking up at you.

“Yes, we do.  Two kinds. I don’t know what happened.”  You say keeping your voice calm, even though you really want to start crying.  “Please come back over here.”

“It-It’s mine?”  He says not moving.

That does it.  After already assuring him that you hadn’t cheated it breaks something in you.  You feel rage first, your hands balling into fists.  Your nails biting into your palms.  It passes quickly and you just feel alone, let down and incredibly sad.  You try to hold back the tears but it’s useless, you start to cry and just let your head fall into your lap and sob.

Clint is at your side immediately, hugging you and rubbing your back.  “I’m sorry.   I know.  I don’t know how to react to this.”

“Neither do I.  I don’t know what to do, Clint.  Tell me what I need to do?”  You plead.  He pulls you against him and strokes your hair, his lips pressed against the top of your head.  “You’ve accused me of cheating twice now.”

He groans, but his arms tighten around you.  “I don’t understand why you’re even with me.”  He says softly.

“What do you want to do?”  You ask, almost in a whisper.

He shakes his head.  “What do you want to do?”

“I asked so I could figure it out.  When I had Alexis, I was so confident.  I don’t even know who her father is.  I was just, I can do this.  Fuck it, I’m going to be a mom.”  You explain.  “I love her, and I don’t regret it.  But it’s hard.  I don’t think I can do it alone again.”

“You won’t be alone.”  He soothes, his voice shaking just a little.

“Really, because the word pregnant came out of my mouth and you couldn’t get away from me fast enough.”  You snark.

He falls back on the couch and rubs his eyes.  He opens his mouth to speak a few times and then closes it again.

You sigh and move away from him.  “I guess… I guess I should terminate.  It’s too much pressure.”

Clint looks up at you.  “That’s not what you want though is it?”

You shake your head.  “I want us to be a family, Clint.  I’ve been thinking it for a while now.  How you are with Alexis, you’re a natural.  But if you aren’t ready, we can’t force it.”

Clint looked down at his hands and picked his fingernails.  “I really love you, you know?”

You nod without looking at him.  “Sometimes that’s not enough.”

Clint groans again and pinches the bridge of his nose.  “I’m really bad at this.”

“Yeah.  I know.  It’s not your fault.”  You say and rub his thigh.

He sits back up.  “You know… you know, I think I’ve been able to do this because you had faith in me.  I’m … a piece of shit… but I want to not be.”

You take his hand and kiss the back of it.  “I can’t fix you, Clint.  No one can fix another person.  You were doing it on your own.”

He looks at you for a moment not saying anything before lunging forward and crashing his lips into yours.  You hesitate for a second before giving in to him.  He kisses you with a need and hunger that takes your breath away.  You wrap your arms around his neck and run your hands through his hair and down his neck.  He pulls back leaning his forehead against your head.  “I think… I want that.  For us to be family.”

“Think?”  You ask, your hands still stroking down his neck.

“Know.  Don’t … don’t get… can we keep it?  Can we have this baby together?”  He asks.

“Are you sure?  We still have time to decide.  You can think about it.”  You say gently.

He drops to his knee in front of you taking your hand in his.  “Positive.  Marry me?  Let me show you and marry me.”

You laugh.  You don’t mean to but you do, and when it comes he looks like you stabbed him in the heart.  “Oh, honey.  No.  I love you but one massive step at a time.  I’m not going to agree to marry you if you ask just because I’m pregnant.”

He looks at you like a puppy that you just accidentally kicked.  “But- but I love you.”  He says.

“I love you too.”  You say cupping his jaw.  “So much.  You are a good man, Clint Barton.  But one big thing at a time.”

“Can we move in together at least.”  He said.

You smile down at him and lean in rubbing your nose against his. “That we can do.  You sure?”

He let out a sigh of relief.  “Positive.”

“I love you.  You know that right?”  You say.

He nods, his blue eyes meeting yours.  “I know.  I don’t know why you do.  But I know you do.”

“And I have faith in you.  You can do this.  But the stakes have just gone up.”  You say.  “You can do it though.  I know you can.  Don’t start doubting yourself now.”

He nods and his hands caress over your stomach.  “Nat is going to lose her fuckin’ mind when she finds out.”

You laugh and kiss his forehead.  “Yeah.  We’re going to get a lecture about birth control.”

Clint laughs.  “Nah, that’s coming from Katie.”


	4. Backslide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Clint stops showing up to doctors appointments you begin to worry. That worry turns to terror thanks to a call from Natasha

The first ultrasound he missed you were understandably upset.  You’d tried not to let it get to you.  He’d said he was sorry.  He said it was Avengers’ business.  You had known the chances that he’d have to miss appointments were high.  You’d opted into this life.  It might suck sometimes, but it was for the greater good.  Besides, it wasn’t like he missed the first one, or a big one.  It was just a small check up one to makes sure the fetus was growing at the right rate.

So you smothered it.  You were a little upset.  He was still here.  He still came home every night barring being away on mission.  He still made you laugh.  He still made you laugh about stupid things.  Rubbed your feet.  Kissed you belly and talked to the baby.  Sat and had deep and meaningful conversations with Alexis even though she was only 4.

He didn’t miss the next doctor’s appointment.  Or the one after that.  Things were going well and then suddenly they weren’t.  He missed three doctors appointments in a row.  He had an excuse for the first.  Avengers stuff.  Nothing else changed.  The second time there was no excuse.  Just a hasty I got caught up message via text.  He didn’t come home until really late either and never explained himself.  The third he didn’t answer his phone and when he got home he just said he was sorry but he forgot.

That was when you started getting worried.  You didn’t want to believe he was cheating on you.  You wanted to believe he was past that kind of thing.  But that niggling little thing kept chewing away at you.  While he’d never cheated on you, he had cheated on people in the past.  There was nothing about you that made you special.  If this relationship had exceeded its use by date, then what was stopping it happening again?

It was the 20-week ultrasound that pushed you beyond the breaking point.  It was a big one.  Finding out the sex.  Checking for any major anomalies like the heart having formed correctly.  You’d just started feeling the kicks hard enough that when Alexis put her hand on your belly, she could feel the little tick.  Alexis, not Clint.  Clint seemed to need to leave right away whenever you called him over to feel.

You made it through the ultrasound pretending to be fine.  Smiling and laughing with the ultrasound technician when all you really felt like doing was breaking down into tears.  This was it.  He didn’t want to be here anymore.  You gambled on a guy who couldn’t commit and you lost.  You were now going to be a single parent to two kids with two different men.  Even the excitement you expressed on finding out it was a boy was fake.  You barely even absorbed the words because all you could think about was how stupid you were falling for a guy who everyone had warned you about.

You broke down in tears in the car park.  They were hot and angry tears.  You balled your hands into fists, letting your nails bite into your palms leaving angry, red, crescent shapes in your palms.  When the tears finally stopped you drove him, still shaking slightly.

You got through the door of your home, your eyes still bleary and puffy and head right into your bedroom, grabbing a suitcase and shoving Clint’s things into it haphazardly.

“Honey, is that you?  How did the appointment go?  Did you find out what you’re having?”  Your mother’s voice travels down the hall getting closer as she gets nearer to the bedroom.   She opens the door and stops dead looking at you.  “What happened, sweetheart?  Is there something wrong with the baby?”

You break down in tears again and she rushes to you.  “H-he d-d-didn’t show up a-a-again.”  You sob falling into her arms.  “I’m su-su-such an idiot.”  You feel like your 13 again, crying about how your crush started dating your ex.

She guides you to the bed and sits you down on the side of it.  “He’s an Avenger.  Maybe he got caught up.”

You shake your head.  “He keeps missing them with no excuses.  He’s coming home later and later.  He just… this is over for him.  I didn’t think I could fix him, but I thought he had done his own fixing.”

Your mother rubs the small of your back soothing as you cry it out.  Alexis comes into the room, looking small and meek, followed by her new best friend Lucky and they both hop up on the bed and lie on you, trying to comfort you even though they have no idea what’s going on.  It makes your heart break even more.  This is going to kill Alexis.  Alexis who had never had a dad and inherently distrusted most strangers but took to Clint immediately was going to lose the one man who she’d ever seen at all like a father.  She was going to lose her dog who now followed her around everywhere.  The worst bit is she was too young to understand why.

You curl an arm around her and lean down pressing your lips to her head.  “Why you sad, mommy?”  Alexis asks in her tiny voice.

“I don’t think Clint…”  You begin but you’re interrupted by your phone vibrating in your pocket.  You pull it out to see Natasha’s name lighting up the screen.

You click accept and press the phone against your ear.  Natasha is speaking before you even say hello.  “Clint’s been in an accident.  It’s not good.  You need to get here.”   She spits out at a rate of knots.

“I’ll be right there.”  You say as panic takes over.  Natasha has never sounded so scared before.  You hang up the phone and jump up.  “Can you stay and look after Lexi?  I need to go?”

Your mother nods her head sensing the fear radiating out of you.  You grab your handbag, kiss Alexis on the top of the head and rush to the car.

You’re not even sure how you make it to the Avengers Compound in one piece.  You drive fast and on autopilot.  Furious at yourself because you doubted Clint.  Terrified that he’s dying.  He must be if Natasha sounded so scared.

You rush inside and FRIDAY directs you to the medbay.  You see him behind a glass wall with Natasha sitting beside him.  He’s sipping juice from a box while a machine moved above him emitting blue light over a series of deep looking wounds.  You rush into the room and then just hover at the door, wanting to hug him but also not being sure if you are allowed to touch him.

“Clint?”  You say meekly.

He holds his arms out to you.  “Come here, baby.”

You rush to his side and slam into him, wrapping your arms up under his shoulders and burying your face in his neck. He makes a pained sound like he’s trying not to let you know you just hurt him as you start to sob against his skin.  “Oh god.  I was so worried.”  You murmur.

He runs his hand in small circles on your back.  “It’s alright I’m fine.  Avengers get the good medical perks.”

Natasha rolls her eyes and you look up at her.  Something in your eyes must have communicated your need to know what happened so she starts talking.  “He was being his usual idiot self.  We told him to stay put.  Instead, he launches himself off the roof and firing arrows.  He mistimed though and impaled himself.  Broke his ribs, skewered his liver, massive gash over his collarbone.  Thought he was actually dead there for a minute.”

“You what?”  You yelp sitting up and looking down at him your eyes wide.

“But I’m fine,”  Clint says, narrowing his eyes at Natasha.  “Tell her I’m fine.”

“Yeah, now you are.”  Natasha scoffs.  “I don’t even know why you did it, you birdbrain.  Bucky was up on the roof.  He had them in his sites.”

You furrow your brow.  “Clint.  You need to be more careful.  You can’t not come home to us.”

He puts his hand on your stomach and runs his thumb over the top of the curve. “I’m sorry.  I know.  I’ll be more careful.”

Natasha makes a tch noise and rolls her eyes.  “Yeah right.  When have you ever?”  She says and looks at you.  “The dummy didn’t even need to be on mission.  He volunteered to go.”

“He what?”  You ask, slowly pushing his hand away.

“Volunteered.  He was quite adamant about it.”  Natasha says.

You shake your head and start backing away from them both.  “We had an ultrasound today.  You promised.”

“Honey.  It was work.”  Clint stays reaching out to you.

Natasha slaps him up the back side of the head.  “What the fuck, Clint?”

“I - I can’t do this anymore.  You obviously want out.  Well, this is your out.  I’ll pack your stuff.  Send someone to get them.”  You say.

He reaches for you again but his hands fall well short as you speed up your exit.  “Sweetheart. Please.”  He says desperately.

You shake your head.  “It’s a boy.  Not sure if you care.”  You say and step through the door.  He calls out to you again but you don’t hear what he has to say, you’re already crying again.


	5. Self Doubt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint tries to prove to you that he’s serious about the relationship.

Natasha smacked Clint over the back of the head.  “What did you do, Barton?”  The redhead seethed at him. **  
**

Clint all but ignored her trying to get himself free from the regenerative ark technology that he was currently strapped into.  “Help me get out of this.”  He muttered, yanking on wires.

Natasha lunged forward like a cat, grabbing him by the wrists and pinning them to his sides.  “What are you going to do, you bolvan?  Go after her while you leave half your organs trailing behind you?  Use your brain.”

Clint struggled for a moment.  He didn’t care about that.  He didn’t care about anything except going after you and explaining.  He had to make this right.  Make you forgive him.  When he realized struggling against Natasha was useless, especially given how full of morphine he currently was he let his body sag.

“Did you cheat on her?”  Natasha snapped, letting his wrists go.

For a split second, he thought about arguing.  How could she possibly even think he would do something like that?  Only it wouldn’t be the first relationship he’d tanked by cheating.  Not even the second.  He sighed and shook his head.  “I swear I didn’t.”  He said looking up at Natasha, her glare was still icy and accusatory.  “I didn’t!  I love her.  And those other times… I thought we were casual.  This is different.  It’s us.”

Natasha hit him again.  “Then what?  Why on God’s green Earth where you missing her doctor’s appointments for?”

Clint covered his head with his arms.  “Stop hitting me, Nat.  That’s not okay.”

Natasha sat back in her hair and rolled her eyes.  “Well?”

“I don’t even know.  I’m scared.  I’m scared of being bad at this.  About being an Avenger and a dad.  About her realizing how shit I am.  About raising a kid in this fucked up world.”  He groaned and ran his hands down his face.  “I want the world to be better, and when I saw that weird little blob on the ultrasound machine and heard that woosh-woosh that was going so fast that was its heartbeat, all I could think was I am gonna fuck this up so bad.”

Natasha rubbed her eyes with the heels of her hands.  “So you thought you would make a preemptive strike? You have got to be the dumbest dummy in the history of dummies.”

“What am I gonna do, Nat?”  Clint pleaded.  “I gotta make this right.  I can’t lose her.  Not now.”

Nat sighed and looked him over.  “Alright, listen up, dummy,”

* * *

You had gone straight home from the hospital gritting your teeth so you didn’t cry.  You made it inside and broke down in your room while your mother held you.  When you finally had gotten yourself under control you’d finished packing up all his stuff and put it near the hall, ready for him to take it.  You’d put Alexis to bed and Lucky had curled into a ball at the end of the bed.  Your heart broke just that little bit more.  Not only was Alexis going to be losing Clint, but her dog too.  Part of you hoped that maybe Clint would agree to leave Lucky with you, but then the thought of that reminder always being around hurt to think of too.

You cried yourself to sleep that night.

The next morning you work exhausted. You also felt a little queasy, which was annoying because it had only been in the last month that you’d been able to shake the morning sickness.  You got up and hopped in the shower where a sudden wave of sadness it again, but you were too dehydrated to cry actual tears, so instead it was just a dry wracking sob that took over your whole body.  You felt like a complete idiot.

You’d managed to get on with your day. You gave Alexis her breakfast.  Took her to preschool.  Went to work.  You’d hope that Clint or someone from the Avengers would come pick up his stuff while you were working.  At the end of the day, you pick Alexis up and go home, only to find Clint sitting on your front steps, head in his hands.

Alexis ran to him, or toddled quickly might be more accurate.  “Cwint!”  She squealed throwing herself at him.

He wrapped his arms around her and swung her back and forth.  “There’s my little slugger.”

It would be a cute sight.  Except all you could see was red.  How dare he pull this shit.  Using Alexis as some kind of human shield so you couldn’t rage at him again.  “Clint.”  You say tersely.

“Hey, babe.  Can we talk?”  He asked sheepishly as he got to his feet.  He held Alexis on his hip and she wrapped her arms around his neck.

“I think you need to be somewhere don’t you?”  You answered, rolling your eyes and pushing past him and going inside.

“No.  Don’t go, Cwint,”  Alexis whined squeezing her arms tighter around his neck.

“Sorry, sweetie.  I can’t stay.  Avengers stuff.”  Clint said soothingly as he followed you inside.

Alexis started to cry and buried her face in his neck.  It just made you more angry at him.  You turned on him and started signing furiously.  ‘Who do you think you are?  Using her to try and get back in.  Fuck you, Clint.  You can now explain to her why you’re not welcome here.’  If there was such a thing as shouting in ASL you had just done it.

“Aww man.  Please, can we just talk for a minute?  And then I’ll go?”

You pinched the bridge of your nose glaring at him.  “Fine.”  You huffed, heading into the kitchen.

You let Clint settle down Alexis while you went and fixed her a snack.  You left it with her and dragged Clint down to your bedroom.  “You have five minutes.”  You said keeping your voice low and calm.

Clint whined and bunched a fist into his hair.  “I’m an idiot.  I was scared.  I was scared I’d fuck this up and instead of doing what normal people do and talk about it, I did what I always do.  I freaked out and decided I’d try and fix the world.”

“I told you I couldn’t do this alone.  And instead, you made me do this alone.  Scared isn’t good enough Clint.”  You snapped.  “You think I’m not scared?  The difference is I don’t get a choice and you do and you used it to run.”

He sat down on the edge of the bed and ran his hands through his hair.  “I - I don’t have an excuse.  I fucked up.  I don’t expect you to take me back…”

“That’s good because I’m not going to.”  You interrupted.

He looked up at you and sighed.  “Can I try and prove I mean it?  That this is the mistake.  That you aren’t alone.  Let me come to appointments and classes.  I love you.  I’ve never felt like this about anyone.  My family is the Avengers and my brother and you and Alexis.  Let me show you?”

You sighed.  “Okay.  You can try and prove it.  I’m not promising anything.  But you are the dad in this situation, so I guess you have a right to be there.”

“Thank you.”  He said reaching out to your hand.

You pulled it away.  “One more thing.  You,”  You paused and took a deep breath trying to calm yourself.  “That little girl in there loves you so much.  You don’t get to disappear from her life.  You have two people here to prove yourself to.”

He smiled.  “You tell me what you need to do that and I’ll do it.”

* * *

Over the next few months, Clint was good to his word.  He started seeing a therapist to actually deal with some of his shit.  He showed up to every appointment.  He spoke to Steve Rogers and he’d been excused from all but word threatening events.  He did complain about paperwork a lot.  But he still showed up early for every appointment.  He stayed with you after making sure you weren’t alone for any blood tests or other extra things you needed.

When you got too big that driving was awkward he started driving you to and from the appointments.  He went and bought nursery furniture and swore a little too much as he put it together.  He rubbed your back when it hurt too much.  He would periodically check in and see how you were doing.

With Alexis, he’d do things like go pick her up from pre-school and when you got back from work he’d have bought pizza and he, Alexis and Lucky would be eating it while they watched Brave for the one-millionth time.

Slowly you started to forget why you were mad at him in the first place.  Not ready to take him back forgetful, but willing to be his friend.  Willing to have him involved in your son’s life.

It was coming up to the tenth month of the pregnancy.  You had been suffering from bad sciatic pain and Clint had offered to help you get Alexis to bed.  You were just winding down yourself.  You were in your pajamas and trying to rub your own lower back.

Clint stuck his head into the living room.  “Out like a light.  Want me to do anything else before I go?  I could stack the dishwasher.”

“I know that was just a lip service question but yes, please.  My back is killing me.”  You answered.

He came and sat down beside you.  “How about I help with that?”  He said, starting to rub your back.  You let out a deep moan almost as soon as his thumbs pressed against your sore muscles.

“You have magic hands, Barton.”  You groaned.

“I use them a lot.”  He said simply.

You started laughing and shook your head.  “That sounded really dirty.  You been partaking in a lot of alone time?”

Clint rolled his eyes.  “I meant with the archery.  But as a matter of fact, yes.”

“Yeah, me too.”  You said with a shrug.  “I forgot how goddamned horny you get when you’re at the end of a pregnancy.  And before you ask, it’s a lot.”

He pressed on a particularly painful spot on your back and you let out a sound that was half moan of pleasure and half whine.  “You know if you’d asked I could have helped with that too.”  He said.

You elbowed him.   “I don’t think so.”

He took a breath in and let it out slowly before going back to rubbing your back.

“What was that?”  You asked.

“I just miss you.”  He answered.  “And don’t worry.  I know.  But I do.  That’s all.”

You let your head fall forward a little and closed your eyes.  “Yeah, I know.”

He looked at you and for a moment you were sure he was going to press the issue.  He had this sad hopeful look in his blue eyes.  “Hey, do you think we could name him after my brother?  I miss him so much.”

You blink at him for a moment.  “Barney?”  You asked slightly surprised by the question.

“Charles actually.  Barney was a nickname.  But yeah.  Is that okay?”  He said.

“Yeah.  Yes of course.  He can be Charles.”  You answered.

Clint smiled sadly.  “Thank you.  You’re too good to me.”  He shook his head again.  “I’m so sorry I fucked us up.  I wish I wasn’t such a piece of shit.”

You turned on him and took his hands in yours.  “Why do you always talk about yourself like that?”  You asked.  “You aren’t a piece of shit.  It’s like you just make yourself one by speaking it into being that way.  All your friends, even your exes talk about you like you’re the best guy around who has no faith in himself.  Shit, that’s how I feel.  I thought we had this.”

He nods.  “I did too.  I don’t know.  I don’t know why I keep doing this.  And I thought I had it.  I had control over it.  I was really happy and I just shot myself in the foot.  But worse because I hurt you.  And Alexis.  And the baby… Charles.  I ruined it.  I ruined us.  Our family.”

You put your hand on Clint’s cheek, tilting his head up to you.  “No.  You didn’t.”

“What?”  He asked looking into your eyes.

“You didn’t.”  You repeated and brought your lips to his.  He wrapped his arms around you, pulled you closer to him.  Your hands roamed up and down his back.  You ran your tongue over his top lip and circled his with it.  He hummed and put his hand in your hair.

He leaned you back on the couch, putting his knee between your thighs and curving above you.

You felt a small pop and a gush of fluid spilled from you over Clint’s thigh and the couch.

“What the fuck was that?”  Clint asked looking down.  

You look at him, eyes wide.  “My waters just broke.”


	6. Charlie Barton

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint is not the best birthing partner ever.

You try to stay calm as Clint panics around you.  Your water has broken sure, but the labor pains didn’t start until after that had happened and they had just started dull and irregular.  Exactly how you had expected them to.  While you called your mom to come take care of Alexis, made sure you had all the things you needed and called the hospital to tell them labor had started and your water had broken Clint freaked out around you.

He rushed around digging in your bag, adding things taking them out.  Telling you that you should get going.  Putting the bag in the car.  Remembering something else and rushing back inside with the bag to get it.  At one point he’d even driven off without you.  You keep telling yourself over and over, stay calm, this is what he’s like, you expected this.  You did wish though, that maybe this one time, you could be the irrational one.

You want to panic.  You want to be the one unpacking and repacking the bag.  You want to be the one yelling at him to get you things and complaining about the gradually increasing pain you were in.  Most of all you want to start questioning whether this was the universe’s way of telling you not to get back with Clinton Francis Barton.

When your mom arrives you have a chance to not completely be in control.  You go and have a shower and let yourself cry out these emotions that are getting mixed in with physical pain and hormone spikes.  When you get out Clint has calmed down a little too and you can’t help but think that maybe your mom has had words with him.

The labor progresses without too much drama.  You manage to have a fitful sleep for a couple of hours, letting Clint hold you even if you aren’t sure that’s the best idea.  You wake properly when a sudden pain runs through your abdomen an up your back.  You double over whining and pressing your head into Clint’s shoulder.

His hands are on you immediately, rubbing the small of your back and the warm pressure of his strong hands counter the sharp stab of the contraction.  When it fades you look up at him and the soft look in his blue eyes is so full of love and concern that you wonder for a moment how you can still be doubting him.

“We’re gonna be okay, aren’t we?”  You ask him.

He presses his forehead against yours.  “Aren’t I supposed to ask that?”

You smile weakly.  “It’s my turn to be scared.”

Clint doesn’t say anything for a moment, he just rubs your back more.  “I’m probably going to always be a complete dummy.  But I do promise that when I’m struggling I’ll tell you.”

You nod up at him not really sure if that’s enough but wanting it to be.  “I love you, Clint.”

“I know.”  He answers.  “I love you too.”  He brings his lips to yours and another contraction hits, making you pull back and curl up.

“That felt quick?  Was that quick?  Should we go?”  He asks, that slight panic entering his voice again.

You give a pained nod and roll to get out of bed.  “Yep.  That’s it.”

In the hospital, Clint is surprisingly together. Whether it’s a result of it being in a controlled environment, the high-level stress of the job he had, or the fact he was actually getting excited to see this kid, you weren’t sure.  The end result is that he held your hand.  Rubbed your back.  Got you ice chips.  Only minimally freaked out when you vomited from the pain.  The two of you even curled up together on the bed using the gas as you giggled like crazy.

The transition and the actual birth bit is where he starts losing it again.

“I hate you, Clint Barton.”  You all but scream as one contraction seems to come directly on top of the other.

“I hate me too.  This is the worst thing.”  He yells back as you crush his fingers in your vice-like grip.

The yelling gets worse the closer Charles comes to arriving.

“We are never having sex again!”

“That’s fine.  I just saw you shit yourself!”

“Clint!  I am going to kill you!”

You can tell by the faces of the nursing staff that they aren’t sure if they need to be concerned or laughing.  There is something about the way he is carrying on that distracts you a little.  It makes the whole process seem more ridiculous.

“Oh my god, you should see this,”  Clint says as Charles is crowning.  “It’s like a horror movie only you’re excited about the horror emerging from the depth.”  You punch him in the arm for that one.

All the pain and hard work pay off and Charles enters the world at 11.52 in the morning.  Clint’s face lights up at the moment the doctor has the small child safely in their hands.  “This is the happiest I’ve ever been doing something that’s completely disgusting,”  Clint says as he cuts the umbilical cord.

Charles is placed on your chest and you curl your arms around him as Clint perches on the bed beside you.  “Holy shit, babe.”  He says, running his palm over Charles.  “He didn’t exist and now he does.  We made him.  How weird is that?”

You let out an exhausted laugh.  “Yeah.  It’s really weird that’s for sure.”

Clint puts his chin on your arm and looks into his son’s eyes.  “Hey, Charlie.  Welcome to the world.  It’s pretty fucked up out here.  Probably should have stayed inside your mommy.  It’s where I like to be best.”

“Clint!”  You yelp and smack him.

Clint chuckles and puts his arm up to protect himself.  “Don’t worry little guy.  I’ll protect you.”

After everything is over with in the delivery room, you’re wheeled to your hospital room.  Avengers insurance gets you a private room with a queen-sized bed.  You remember when you had Alexis being jammed into a room with 7 other women who had given birth over the past three days and whose babies never synced when they slept.  If it had been like this you might not have wanted to leave.

Charles sleeps in a little, clear plastic bassinet that resembles a tub and has a card with his name written in sharpie on it.  You and Clint crash tangled together catching up on the sleep you missed while you can.

You wake when the hospital staff brings you your dinner.  Clint eats sitting perched up on a chair and watching Charles.  “How come he’s still asleep?  I thought babies cried all the time?”

“It takes a lot of energy to get born.  He’s tired.  Give him a day and he’ll keep you up constantly.”  You reply.

Your mom comes in with Alexis and she immediately runs to you jumping up into your arms.  “Hey, sweetheart.  You ready to meet your baby brother?”

“A brother?”  Alexis whines.  “I wanted a sister.”

“Hey Lexi, come here,”  Clint says, holding his arms out.

Alexis climbs off your lap and moves to Clint’s.  He hugs her and moves Charles’ bassinet closer so she can see.  “When I was a kid I had a brother.”  He says.  “He was the best person I knew.  Next to you and your mom that is.  Way better than my parents.  We got up to trouble together.  We looked out for each other.  He taught me archery.  He taught me to stand up for myself.  I think you’ll like having a brother.  Most of the time.”

You watch on, as the two peer in at the new life talking about all the pros and cons of having a new brother.  Clint gets him out of the bassinette a little too carefully and helps Alexis to hold him.  Despite the fact, you were still exhausted and in some pain, you felt light.  You knew no matter what he’d be there.  Even if the relationship didn’t work, he was your family now and that was never going to change.


End file.
